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Apr. 16th, 2010 05:17 pmIt's difficult when your mind catches up with you.
A lot of the stories I've told, I could tell because that's what they were to me, stories.
Bad stories that happened to someone else. They were horrifying, but not real.
They're real now and I'm not sure how to deal with it.
On one hand, I want to curl up in a corner and cry. I wanna erase any chance that I may be found attractive and give up everything.
On the other, I wanna dress up and be pretty. I want people to look and I want to be held. But at the same time, I want to be hurt. I've been told that this is, sadly, a common response in victims, that they are trying to justify what happened to them by placing the blame on themselves, saying they asked for it so that they can feel like there was some sort of control in place. Even if it's the wrong type of control.
...
To be honest, I just want everything to go back to being stories.
A lot of the stories I've told, I could tell because that's what they were to me, stories.
Bad stories that happened to someone else. They were horrifying, but not real.
They're real now and I'm not sure how to deal with it.
On one hand, I want to curl up in a corner and cry. I wanna erase any chance that I may be found attractive and give up everything.
On the other, I wanna dress up and be pretty. I want people to look and I want to be held. But at the same time, I want to be hurt. I've been told that this is, sadly, a common response in victims, that they are trying to justify what happened to them by placing the blame on themselves, saying they asked for it so that they can feel like there was some sort of control in place. Even if it's the wrong type of control.
...
To be honest, I just want everything to go back to being stories.
