There are times I wonder if living is truly worth it. When I am in a subway station and subway is coming, I have to turn around and count slowly in my head so that I wouldn't jump in front of it.
I hate myself. I am ugly, hideous, fat woman and I want to find someone who would think I am beautiful and make me believe that. I want to have a girlfriend. I want to truly find love and that commitment.
I want my littlebrother to be nicer to me. To treat me like person with feelings, not some big blob of fat who you can insult as much as you want.
I went to facebook in one community (?) and it was pretty much dissing one band and i made the mistake of mentioning that I like the band's music. In fifteen minutes, I heard that I am a troll face, they cannot tell if I am a man or woman, and it's disgusting that I am a lesbian and I should be, because no man would ever take me.
I wish I could kill myself. But I have already used my one chance and if I do it again and survive I will just be one of those pathetic people who do it repeatedly but never succeed. Just do it for attention. I can't become like that.
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2010-02-16 05:46 pm (UTC)I hate myself. I am ugly, hideous, fat woman and I want to find someone who would think I am beautiful and make me believe that. I want to have a girlfriend. I want to truly find love and that commitment.
I want my littlebrother to be nicer to me. To treat me like person with feelings, not some big blob of fat who you can insult as much as you want.
I went to facebook in one community (?) and it was pretty much dissing one band and i made the mistake of mentioning that I like the band's music. In fifteen minutes, I heard that I am a troll face, they cannot tell if I am a man or woman, and it's disgusting that I am a lesbian and I should be, because no man would ever take me.
I wish I could kill myself. But I have already used my one chance and if I do it again and survive I will just be one of those pathetic people who do it repeatedly but never succeed. Just do it for attention. I can't become like that.
And humanity is horrible.