I recently lost someone who I considered my best friend. After months of fighting and a wonderful but decisive trip, I realized that she wasn't the same -or maybe she was never as I thought- and only was there for me when she needed something. Everytime I needed love, comprenhension or a shoulder to cry, she left me behind to go with someone better than me. I still can't get over it; it hurts me that those years of friendship didn't mean anything at all for her, when all I could care about then was her. I wonder: why did she treat me like that? Why do I have to care for the others, when everyone seems to forget about me and even my friends pass me by? Why can't I trust myself?
I'm constantly looking for affection. I have some friends, but I'm extremely shy and socially awkward, so I feel really uncomfortable around people I don't know. I've always wanted a close family to rely on; I hate being an only child. I feel trapped in my own house, in my school. I know that I don't have future in a country like mine, with too much violence and politic problems. In my trips, I can't stop wishing that my country changed, allowing me to enjoy it as much as I've enjoyed others cities.
There are things that make me happy, like travelling around the world, being able to go to the beach alone in the night or reading. I have too many dreams, and I'm afraid of not being good enough to make them true; I'm afraid of being a failure and I don't want to be lonely. As everybody else, I want to feel loved.
This was just what I needed. I'm grateful that someone allows me to share my problems, even if the one who reads this doesn't know me and doesn't care. Thanks, and my apologies for wasting your time with stories from my life, told in a probably mediocre english. Thank you very much.
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2010-02-17 02:02 am (UTC)I'm constantly looking for affection. I have some friends, but I'm extremely shy and socially awkward, so I feel really uncomfortable around people I don't know. I've always wanted a close family to rely on; I hate being an only child. I feel trapped in my own house, in my school. I know that I don't have future in a country like mine, with too much violence and politic problems. In my trips, I can't stop wishing that my country changed, allowing me to enjoy it as much as I've enjoyed others cities.
There are things that make me happy, like travelling around the world, being able to go to the beach alone in the night or reading. I have too many dreams, and I'm afraid of not being good enough to make them true; I'm afraid of being a failure and I don't want to be lonely. As everybody else, I want to feel loved.
This was just what I needed. I'm grateful that someone allows me to share my problems, even if the one who reads this doesn't know me and doesn't care. Thanks, and my apologies for wasting your time with stories from my life, told in a probably mediocre english. Thank you very much.