(no subject)

[luco]

One year ago today, dad died. Around this time I started calling his cell and getting no answer. And I kept calling and calling and calling, till Mom agreed to take me down to Toronto the next day.

That's when I would find his body.

One year.

I thought I was doing so well. I thought I had made it through. I thought I was stronger.

But today comes and I feel like I can't breath. My hands shake and it feels like my mind is full of broken glass. Every thought is painful, sharp.

I feel like I'm going to shatter and I just want to curl up in a ball.

I don't want to face this week. I don't want my birthday to come (they almost put the funeral on that day). I don't want to move, or think or be.

And FanExpo....so many memories attached to that date. If it wasn't for the fact that the table was paid for and that rent is relying solely on me doing well there, I would cancel. I know I'd probably regret it later when the pain isn't as immediate, but right now...

...right now I don't want to be me.

...and people though I was strong.

Comments

[floranna.livejournal.com]

Those dates when something awful happens are like burned into our mind. I happen to ahve a same thing and every April 29th I know I'll feel awful.

Just...hugs. SO many hugs from me.

[tresa-cho.livejournal.com]

*hugs gently*

[ningen-demonai.livejournal.com]

It's okay not to be strong, it's only normal and you love your father. But keep on hanging in there, luv. We're with you. *Hugs*

[kazi-kun.livejournal.com]

You're not alone, hon. *hugs/gives fresh baked cookies* Your friends, fans and watchers are here for you. We'll be more than happy to be here for emotional support.

[white_aster]

You are strong, hon. You have gotten so much better over this last year. Yeah, seeing the date will knock you back, but that's normal. Remind yourself that you won't feel like this forever, give yourself some time, and then stand back up again. You can do it.

[cleflink.livejournal.com]

*hugs* This isn't about being strong, my dear, not in the way you're thinking. It's not about not hurting, or not feeling overwhelmed by the grief in the right now - strength is what ultimately gets you through to a time when the hurt isn't so sharp. You're doing yourself a disservice to think that you should be 'over this' by now - a year isn't really that long when it comes to someone beloved.

So please, don't be so hard on yourself. You can weather this and there are so many people who love you and know that you're doing your very best. And your best is just as strong as it should be. Really.

*hugs*

~

[colorprism.livejournal.com]

June 28th for me .... I'll never forget when my family made the choice to just let my Nana, my rock, die from Lupus, instead of being on life support just to live.

*hugs tight* Even now, 12 years later it still fucking hurts.

If you want to talk ~ send me a message.

<3

[onikotsu.livejournal.com]

I think it's very normal for things to suddenly hurt more on anniversarys of the event, but you are stronger. You're writing about it instead of completely shutting down with you did then. And anyone who isn't a moron knows that struggling on to do what you have to do rather than laying down and dying is strong. It's stronger than anyone who doesn't have your massive heartbreak to deal with. I know you don't feel strong but believe me you are. I'm so sorry you have to go through with this. So so sorry, and I'm sorry I haven't been very good at staying in touch lately. But I still love you, never doubt that. *cuddles up and hugs*

[yukinoomoni.livejournal.com]

I wish I knew what to say to make it better...

[starr-bryte.livejournal.com]

If I could step outside my house and fly to you I would. You need cuddles and cake and kisses.

I hurt for you.

I cry for you.

We all love you. Please believe that.

[mewsgryphoncat.livejournal.com]

You are still here. That's strength.

Even if you're in pain and it doesn't feel like it's going to end, you know you'll get up. You know you'll do art. You know you'll be up and around and moving forward.

How you feel doesn't define strength. No one can control that first reaction. It's what you do that you can control. So keep moving forwrd, as you have done all year.

We know you're strong. And we love you, strong or weak or moving forward or staying still. ((((huggs))))

(...and one of these tries, I'll get the comment in the right place... >^O.o^<;; )