School work again.

[luco]

So, if our teacher had been healthy, today i would have done my story pitch. But seeing as he is not, I rushed and panicked for nothing...

And thus was left with all these little drawings and no one to show them to, so you guys get tortured once again! Aren't you lucky? Well, I actually turned them all into one big drawing with text so that you can follow along...but really, because I didn't get to do the pitch and get opinions from classmates and teachers, I figured I'd see what you guys thought of it. This is just the really rough basics of the story, so feel free to ask questions, state opinions etc. I'm going to consider this a test run for when I do have to present it.

And I apologize for the quality of the drawings as they were rushed and done completely with a ball point pen. Also, let me know if you can figure out what time period and where it takes place.




Not as cheerful as what I normally do, but I guess it kind of gives you an idea of the kind of mood and mind set I've been in lately. . .

Comments

[renegadelufin.livejournal.com]

I like the way your colour palette changes during your story to reflect the mood -- at the climax it's so dark, and then it changes again at the end of your story to a much more peaceful combination. Very nice. I also like how you've managed to simplify the Victorian dress on your main character. Holy crap, but those things are complicated.

So now a few questions that came up as I was reading. Why didn't Anna try to contact her daughter, while she was a doll? It would have been the perfect form to reach her in, and since her daughter's drugged, it's not like she would've been skeptical of the doll or really afraid of it. (Maybe she did contact her daughter as part of getting the stagecoach to meet her? But if so I would've thought that'd be a fairly major emotional point in the story.)

How does she know, several years after her daughter has been taken away, that the girl she sees as she's dying is her daughter? I think that "maternal instinct" is kind of a weak excuse. Has she been asking The Boys about her daughter, during the years afterward when presumably she was forced to work for them again? Has she been trying to find the girl all this time? If she hasn't, why hasn't she -- and why does the sudden sight of her daughter make such a huge impact?

Why does the crazy woman choose to help Anna? Had Anna shown her some kindness in the past, that she remembers? Or does she just like to kill things? I think she could use some context.

Also, because I'm curious, is Death your comic-relief character? That could be quite interesting.

Looking forward to your pitch :)

[luco-millian.livejournal.com]

Those dresses are indeed a complete pain in the ass which is why I'm glad I'm not dealing with the Upper Class ^____^

So, now the questions...

Anna didn't try and contact her daughter because she knew she wouldn't respond. Kids were fed a mixture of opium and alcohol to keep them quiet and thus I don't think the little girl really understood where she even was.

Her recognizing her daughter, will be one I need to think about more carefully it would seem. And I don't think Anna actually believed the girl would have survived this long. Maybe death had something to do with her seeing her daughter...and that gives me and idea...will get back to you on that one.

And the crazy woman is Anna's mother, so I think I can tie in Anna's reaction to her daughter and death having some part in making her see her just as she dies and make it work. Will have to play with it though.

Death or the Coachman will end up being the comedy relief. It's just trying to pin down the 'boys' into one solid character to use as a villian. . .

But thanks for going over it!