Why does everything require titles??

[luco]

Not been a good day. Well it has in the fact that I got a nice pair of boots and get to go visit friends tommorrow.

But the rest. . .

Well...I've been talking to this guy for awhlie. He's nice, friendly, not bad-looking nad just basically great. he's asked me out a few times and I kept telling him no, not yet.

Well finally I decided that I've been comfortable around guys and him in particular that I'd give it a shot.

But the minute he came closer, not physically since I'm a very physical person, but emotionally, the minute I let him get near me with my guards down I had a full-blown panic attack. The kinds where after you snap out of it you don't know what's happened but you do remember that you were terrified.

Completely.

I did notice that he had a lovely set of scratches down his arm and a bruise on his face, but he didn't tell me what I had done and then, he told me that he knew why I hadkept saying no.

And then he told me that he wished I would have continued saying no so that he could have kept his dream.

I don't know which i feel worse about, the fact that I had another attack when i was sure I was over them, or that fact that most of the guys I seem to attract, seem to think of me as a dream, an obbsession...

I'm tired and I have a party to go to tommorrow as I said....

I think I need to sleep.

Comments

[white_aster]

And then he told me that he wished I would have continued saying no so that he could have kept his dream.

.........where's he live? I've got a baseball bat with his name on it. Jesus FUCK what a crappy thing to say to someone who's in an emotionally fragile place! "Yeah, I know that you just had a panic attack and probably feel like crap as well as scared right now, but, really, why couldn't you just have kept saying no so I could keep thinking of you as this fictional person that doesn't really exist?" What a FUCKWAD!

:hugs: :huuuuuuugs: You just concentrate on doing what's best for YOU. I know I don't know all the details and all, but it seems to me that if you had an attack over it, that doesn't mean that you're "backslipping" or anything. It just means that you've beaten everything else and you've got this other hurdle that you haven't quite gotten over yet. You just happened to find it the hard way. :( Just take it slow and easy, and don't be hard on yourself.

....:kicks guy for inconsiderate comment again:

Re: hear hear

[luquade.livejournal.com]

Just what i was thinking, minus the baseball bat with his name on it.

How dare you ruin his fantasy!

Re: hear hear

[luco-millian.livejournal.com]

The baseball bat would probably get you in to trouble....thanks.

[luco-millian.livejournal.com]

When you look at it that way, it's not so bad, but I still feel bad...not as much anymore, so thanks.

[white_aster]

:hugs: I would feel bad, too. No one likes that sort of response from someone they like. But still....s'not your fault. :hugs: