Why does everything require titles??

[luco]

Not been a good day. Well it has in the fact that I got a nice pair of boots and get to go visit friends tommorrow.

But the rest. . .

Well...I've been talking to this guy for awhlie. He's nice, friendly, not bad-looking nad just basically great. he's asked me out a few times and I kept telling him no, not yet.

Well finally I decided that I've been comfortable around guys and him in particular that I'd give it a shot.

But the minute he came closer, not physically since I'm a very physical person, but emotionally, the minute I let him get near me with my guards down I had a full-blown panic attack. The kinds where after you snap out of it you don't know what's happened but you do remember that you were terrified.

Completely.

I did notice that he had a lovely set of scratches down his arm and a bruise on his face, but he didn't tell me what I had done and then, he told me that he knew why I hadkept saying no.

And then he told me that he wished I would have continued saying no so that he could have kept his dream.

I don't know which i feel worse about, the fact that I had another attack when i was sure I was over them, or that fact that most of the guys I seem to attract, seem to think of me as a dream, an obbsession...

I'm tired and I have a party to go to tommorrow as I said....

I think I need to sleep.

Comments

[branchandroot]

Ouch.

*hugs*

Repeating patterns are a bitch that way. Hope you're all right?

[luco-millian.livejournal.com]

Yeah I'm alright now.....and wishing i could break out of this pattern.

*snuggles into hug*

[white_aster]

And then he told me that he wished I would have continued saying no so that he could have kept his dream.

.........where's he live? I've got a baseball bat with his name on it. Jesus FUCK what a crappy thing to say to someone who's in an emotionally fragile place! "Yeah, I know that you just had a panic attack and probably feel like crap as well as scared right now, but, really, why couldn't you just have kept saying no so I could keep thinking of you as this fictional person that doesn't really exist?" What a FUCKWAD!

:hugs: :huuuuuuugs: You just concentrate on doing what's best for YOU. I know I don't know all the details and all, but it seems to me that if you had an attack over it, that doesn't mean that you're "backslipping" or anything. It just means that you've beaten everything else and you've got this other hurdle that you haven't quite gotten over yet. You just happened to find it the hard way. :( Just take it slow and easy, and don't be hard on yourself.

....:kicks guy for inconsiderate comment again:

Re: hear hear

[luquade.livejournal.com]

Just what i was thinking, minus the baseball bat with his name on it.

How dare you ruin his fantasy!

Re: hear hear

[luco-millian.livejournal.com]

The baseball bat would probably get you in to trouble....thanks.

[luco-millian.livejournal.com]

When you look at it that way, it's not so bad, but I still feel bad...not as much anymore, so thanks.

[white_aster]

:hugs: I would feel bad, too. No one likes that sort of response from someone they like. But still....s'not your fault. :hugs:

[saendie.livejournal.com]

Men are scumbags, glad I'm a lesbian. I'm sorry he made you panic..wish I had another sub sandwhich for you and then we could blast music and do goofy dancing. ^^ It'll be okay, at least you're safe.

[luco-millian.livejournal.com]

Yeah I'm safe...and seriously wondering if I can have a realtionship with guys. . .

Ah well, we'll have to have the sub, music and goofy dancing (with your tail!) another time.... but thanks.

[the-sublime-cat.livejournal.com]

Aww, I'm so so sorry. :( *huggles* I love you. Please let me know if you need someone to talk to. I'm always here for you. You know that right?

[luco-millian.livejournal.com]

I know you are, you're like a sisiter to me.

[vagrant-mouse.livejournal.com]

Thats....thats too bad.

[luco-millian.livejournal.com]

I need a long vacation...on a deserted island...or else a beach...yeah that would be nice. . .

[kenji-ikido.livejournal.com]

*stops stalking you long enough to emerge from the shadows and hug you*

Want me to pan him for you? I can make it look like an accident X3

And as always if you need to talk feel free to e-mail me. I'm always there to listen and try and help.

[luco-millian.livejournal.com]

*snuggles into hug*

It's not really his fault, and I don't want any chance of you getting in trouble...so, no. But thanks for the offer.

[(Anonymous)]

Aww.. darling, I'm so sorry! I don't quite know what that is like to that extent, but I am a bit similar to you. I always end up hurting someone. When I go out with anyone, it is usually one-sided (on their part) and I can't hurt them by breaking up and I end up hurting them more when they find out that I never truly loved them in the first place.
I am pathetic in the physical sense. I can't let anyone touch me. I only have ever wanted two people to hold me and well... both of them are my friends and know... but at least they are honest, I guess.

I can't understand exactly what you are going through, but I know quite well what it is to be alone.
I can understand, however, what it is to have some one think of you as a dream. They want me to be someone that I am not, the person that I can't be. They want me to be the person that I pretend to be; they want my shell to be my reality.
I always tell them that the person they see isn't the real me, but they never listen...

Just know that you are my darling and I will always love you! If you ever need me, just e-mail me and I'll talk to you as soon as I can.

I do wish you all the luck in the world that you will be able to get over that and I would be more than happy to deliver a bomb to the evil guy's house personally :-)

Sorry... I don't want to make you more upset.
I love you bunches!
~Aurelie

[luco-millian.livejournal.com]

*hugs* Thanks luv. Ever since I've met you, it feels as if I've found my younger sister.

[(Anonymous)]

So I didn't depress you?
That's good! I thought that I would.
I would love to be thought of as a sister! That's an honour. You are such a kind person!
Loves,
Aurelie

[inklacedfeather.livejournal.com]

He is a bastard. That is all. ::snuggles::

[luco-millian.livejournal.com]

Still, this wasn't the first time...so I feel I'm part of the problem.

[inklacedfeather.livejournal.com]

::scoffs:: No! Nope not at all.