Why does everything require titles??
Jun. 11th, 2004 09:31 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
lucoNot been a good day. Well it has in the fact that I got a nice pair of boots and get to go visit friends tommorrow.
But the rest. . .
Well...I've been talking to this guy for awhlie. He's nice, friendly, not bad-looking nad just basically great. he's asked me out a few times and I kept telling him no, not yet.
Well finally I decided that I've been comfortable around guys and him in particular that I'd give it a shot.
But the minute he came closer, not physically since I'm a very physical person, but emotionally, the minute I let him get near me with my guards down I had a full-blown panic attack. The kinds where after you snap out of it you don't know what's happened but you do remember that you were terrified.
Completely.
I did notice that he had a lovely set of scratches down his arm and a bruise on his face, but he didn't tell me what I had done and then, he told me that he knew why I hadkept saying no.
And then he told me that he wished I would have continued saying no so that he could have kept his dream.
I don't know which i feel worse about, the fact that I had another attack when i was sure I was over them, or that fact that most of the guys I seem to attract, seem to think of me as a dream, an obbsession...
I'm tired and I have a party to go to tommorrow as I said....
I think I need to sleep.
But the rest. . .
Well...I've been talking to this guy for awhlie. He's nice, friendly, not bad-looking nad just basically great. he's asked me out a few times and I kept telling him no, not yet.
Well finally I decided that I've been comfortable around guys and him in particular that I'd give it a shot.
But the minute he came closer, not physically since I'm a very physical person, but emotionally, the minute I let him get near me with my guards down I had a full-blown panic attack. The kinds where after you snap out of it you don't know what's happened but you do remember that you were terrified.
Completely.
I did notice that he had a lovely set of scratches down his arm and a bruise on his face, but he didn't tell me what I had done and then, he told me that he knew why I hadkept saying no.
And then he told me that he wished I would have continued saying no so that he could have kept his dream.
I don't know which i feel worse about, the fact that I had another attack when i was sure I was over them, or that fact that most of the guys I seem to attract, seem to think of me as a dream, an obbsession...
I'm tired and I have a party to go to tommorrow as I said....
I think I need to sleep.
no subject
Date: 2004-06-14 06:09 pm (UTC)I am pathetic in the physical sense. I can't let anyone touch me. I only have ever wanted two people to hold me and well... both of them are my friends and know... but at least they are honest, I guess.
I can't understand exactly what you are going through, but I know quite well what it is to be alone.
I can understand, however, what it is to have some one think of you as a dream. They want me to be someone that I am not, the person that I can't be. They want me to be the person that I pretend to be; they want my shell to be my reality.
I always tell them that the person they see isn't the real me, but they never listen...
Just know that you are my darling and I will always love you! If you ever need me, just e-mail me and I'll talk to you as soon as I can.
I do wish you all the luck in the world that you will be able to get over that and I would be more than happy to deliver a bomb to the evil guy's house personally :-)
Sorry... I don't want to make you more upset.
I love you bunches!
~Aurelie
no subject
Date: 2004-06-15 05:26 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-06-15 05:53 pm (UTC)That's good! I thought that I would.
I would love to be thought of as a sister! That's an honour. You are such a kind person!
Loves,
Aurelie